Single parent guilt is a feeling that lurks behind every human being. Hiding in a dark and despairing corner of your heart, this feeling waits to surprise you the moment you start doubting yourself. When it comes to single parenting, guilt becomes your best friend and a necessity just like breathing and eating. It gets even more inevitable for single moms due to sociological, mental, and financial reasons. However, just like everything else, guilt can also be managed and tackled. Here, I am going to share my handy ways that help me with coping up the guilt as a single mother of 5 years 5-year-old boy.
A little background:
I started experiencing guilt as a mother very early on in parenthood. I figured out I would have to take care of the child the day he was born therefore balancing between what is needed and what to let go. the constant flight or fright state brings stress and thus guilt trip all day every day. These factors are some of my ways to let go of the pain and mental trauma of parents and guilt. Read through and I promise you will feel new at the end of this article.
Start writing:
I know that not everyone loves writing as it can be a pretty boring thing for many. However, writing down the events of the day can help you look at your situation from three different angles. If you are feeling strong overwhelming guilt writing your feelings will help you tackle the issue. Either start journaling digitally on. Your iPad or tablet or buy a good quality notebook. Jot down every single thing about parenting that overwhelms you along with guilt trip mom mode. From the extensive tantrums to picky eating anything that triggers the sense of guilt should go on the journal. the more you write the better you will feel. For me, it is an instant relief from the feeling.
Distractions:
One thing is sure the single mom guilt paralyzes you and makes you overthink so much about the situation. At this point, it is important that you quickly shift your attention towards something productive. Somehow finding things that ask for creative input can give you a sense of accomplishment thus eliminating the guilt.
Talk to someone:
One of the reasons behind single-parent guilt is that we get cooped up in our feelings and don’t want to talk to anyone about our problems. Raising kids is not an easy job and patting yourself on the back whenever you can is a must for a sane life. Start a therapy session or just talk to a family or friend who understands your situation. I will personally suggest joining a single parent support group thus will help you a lot in resolving what you feel. Everyone in the group has experienced guilt as a parent and while you pour your heart out to the other member, there is always lots of love and care coming from the other end.
Talk to the other parent:
In a lot of the cases talking to the other parent can become overwhelming but if you are experiencing parent guilt, you should talk to the other parent and share what is bothering you. If the other parent is not in the picture, leave this point. They say it takes two to tango, so if today you feel overwhelmed with your thoughts and all the responsibilities of single parenting, the other parent can also feel the same. Communicating with them will help you feel at ease.
Spend time with your kids:
The only thing that can take away parenting with guilt is to spend time with your children. They have a unique and magical way to take away your guilt. Sometimes we are so indulged in our thoughts that we stop thinking about what our tiny human beings are capable of doing. Trust me when I say this, no matter how sucky a parent you are, your kids will always take you as a superhero; forgiving your mistakes through the way and loving you for who you are. Either talk about what is letting you down or on any topic that your kid likes, the more you will hear them out the better you will feel.
Talk to a specialist:
Although feeling single parent guilt is a common occurrence for parents, if it resides and makes you feel awful more than it is supposed to be, you should talk to a specialist. Therapists know how to handle self-sabotage in parents and make good use of it. Moreover, active and positive communication can help you tackle anxiety related to parenting and raising kids right.
Editors’ note:
Although this part is my personal opinion. You must read it for your sanity. Often people around us and the community we live in are the major culprits behind guilt trips in parents. Our elders have created such high standards for parenting that when we are unable to practice them, we feel crippling anxiety and as if we are not enough for our kids.
Remember, each parenting style is different, the main goal is the same. Also, you can always pick up in parenting there is no start or end. You are enough, you are the best, and most of all your kids are so proud of you. Even if they don’t show this to you a lot each kid has a sheer proud feeling towards their parents. Shine like stars my dear readers and down feel drowned or gone for every parenting mistake that you make. That is it from my side. I will meet you in my next blog. Thank you for reading this through
